Saturday, 20 April 2013

2013, A Year of Personal Transformation

It is now mid-April of 2013 and so far this year has given me a year of personal transformation.
I've found that for a few years now I've said that I want to get rid of certain bad habits and throw them into the balefire, only to continue in and forget that promise. It was brought - uncomfortably - to my attention at the beginning of this just how bad some of my behaviours were. I honestly hadn't noticed, but in retrospect, they just weren't fair on others or myself to continue. They were long overdue baggage that needed to be finally cast into the fire! This realisation came around Imbolc, the time for new starts, and I really feel like this is an important step in my life and will definitely make me a better person after it. It will take a lot of work, and many reminders, but I'll get there eventually.
Within my spirituality and my life I've seen changes happening and a start of a new life ahead. With regards to my spirituality I have discovered and accepted Universalism as a way of looking at world religions and deity. Last year I faced some challenging ideas towards my own Pagan belief and now I feel at peace with those challenges. I feel able to be unite with all religions and spiritual paths and not feel torn or worried, but embraced by them all. As well as this, for my own journey I have come to explore the feminine path of the Goddess and womb mysteries which is leading me to discover things about myself and my own self acceptance.
In December I will be undergoing a coming of age ceremony at last. I have waited - or perhaps procrastinated this - for a few years now. I was frightened when I turned 18 that I would be thrown into adult life unprepared, and leaving behind childhood, with all of its awe and playfulness, to enter a world of work and maturity. By December I'll be turning 21 and I feel more positive about it. I've been living away from home for two years, living with my partner of what will then be 7 years, fully grown and thinking seriously about my future and a career. The modules I am choosing next year and my consideration of a Master's degree are leading me to think about a future job and where me and Toby will be living together. And it doesn't feel too scary or reluctant anymore. I think I'm ready to accept that I am not a little girl anymore. I'm a young woman - however, humorous that sounds to me right now, it's true.

With these two transformations happening I am also preparing to meet with my Fellowship of Isis guide in London this year to meet and talk about the completion of my Priestess training. This again will be a transformation for me. I may wait another year to be absolutely certain that I am ready, or not. We'll see. I had begun to wonder if I could serve as a Priestess of the FOI without having experienced the dark aspect of Our Lady, when only a few nights ago I believe the Morrigan visited me in a rather strange dream. Is this the Goddess revealing the darker sides of Herself to me?

My change into a woman I feel is happening this year, noticeably. I will formally mark it in December with a few close friends, but I feel it building as each day goes by. As I learn more about myself, I learn more about the Goddess and I lose the fear of the naturally turning wheel of my life.